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OFF TO LAS VEGAS...
A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.
'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.
'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!
'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.
'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.
The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'
FUNNY CLASSIFIED ADS
Below are actual classified ads from newspapers:
- HAVE VIAGRA. Need woman. Any women between 18 & 80. PO Box xxx, Boise, ID 83701
- USED TOMBSTONE, perfect for someone named Homer Hendel Bergen Heinzel. One only, call xxx-1562
- WANTED: Somebody to go back in time with me. This is not a joke. PO Box x243, Oakview, CA. You'll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before.
- Single male seeks double-jointed supermodel who owns a brewery and grows her own pot. Access to free concert tickets a plus, as is having open minded twin sister!
DOCTOR VISIT
The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family.
"We've been trying for months now, doctor, and I don't seem to be able to get pregnant," she confessed miserably.
"I'm sure weŽll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her.
"If you'll just take off your clothes and get up on the examining table."
"Well, all right, doctor," agreed the young woman, blushing, "but I'd rather have my husband's baby.
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