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FIRMING THINGS UP
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his
wife and pinches her on her butt and says, "You know if you
firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought
herself better and replied with silence.
The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the
breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could
get rid of your bra."
This was too much for a silent response, so she rolled over and
grabbed him by the penis and said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of
the postman, the gardener, the poolman . . . and your brother!
TOP TEN REASONS STUDYING IS BETTER THAN SEX
10. You can usually find someone to do it with.
9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left off.
8. You can finish early without feelings of guilt or shame.
7. When you open a book, you don't have to worry about who else has opened it.
6. A little coffee and you can do it all night.
5. If you don't finish a chapter you won't gain a reputation as a "book teaser."
4. You can do it, eat and watch T.V. all at the same time.
3. You don't get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle.
2. You don't have to put your beer down to do it.
1. If you aren't sure what you're doing, you can always ask your roommate for help.
COUPLE IN BED
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on
the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm
sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to
The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he
rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear:
"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
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