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Dirty Jokes-Sex Jokes-Funny Jokes

Jokes at PleasureMeNow.com? We're your source or should we say your receptical for dirty jokes, sexual jokes, sex jokes, blonde jokes, funny jokes about relationships, men, women... The latest sex jokes updated weekly. Catch the latest jokes mixed with classic humor and funny observations.

(WARNING: Jokes may be hazardous to your depression)
(WARNING: Sex jokes may cause blindness if viewed too often)

Jokes Humor Fun

MARRIED SEX LIFE

A husband and wife were fighting about their sex life.
"You never even tell me when you're having an orgasm!" he yelled.
"How can I?" she shot back. "You're never here!"

A young couple left the sex therapist's office determined to develop more effective body language.
"Alright," said the husband, "when I want sex, I'll rub your right breast. When I don't want sex, I'll rub your left breast."
"Okay," said the wife, "What should I do then?"
"Well, when you want to have sex," he told her, "rub my penis once. When you don't want any sex, rub it 200 times."


Jokes Humor Fun

10 THINGS STOCK TRADING HAS IN COMMON WITH SEX

  1. Some like it long, some like it short.
  2. You can study the market as much as you like, but it all comes down to luck.
  3. Those who talk about it the most, have the least experience.
  4. One simple mistake could lead to 18 unprofitable years.
  5. Some prefer to sit back and watch it grow.
  6. Terms that apply to both trading and sex: swing trading, asset turnover, naked call, after hours, insider trading, silent partner, blind entries, 30-day wash rule, straddle, descending tops, ascending bottoms, pump and dump, partial surrender, position limit, voluntary liquidation, and explicit interest.
  7. Low confidence can keep you out of the market.
  8. Everyone tends to focus on performance.
  9. Some do it alone, others do it with a group, and some hire professionals.
  10. Some positions are better than others and the best position is always up for debate!
Jokes Humor Fun

NICE CIRCUMSTANCES

Some smart looking businessman dude was sitting in a bar drinking a beer one night when a gorgeous well stacked blonde walked in.
She says, "For $250, I'll do anything you want, only you have to describe it in three words or less."
He thinks about this a minute or so, pulls out $250, and says "Paint my house."

A man is in a hotel lobby and as he turns, he accidentally bumps into the woman beside him, and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.
He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."


(WARNING: Jokes may be past their expiration date)
(WARNING: Funny objects are closer than they appear)
(WARNING: Keep jokes out of the reach of children)

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