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Dirty Jokes-Sex Jokes-Funny Jokes

Jokes at PleasureMeNow.com? We're your source or should we say your receptical for dirty jokes, sexual jokes, sex jokes, blonde jokes, funny jokes about relationships, men, women... The latest sex jokes updated weekly. Catch the latest jokes mixed with classic humor and funny observations.

(WARNING: Jokes may be hazardous to your depression)
(WARNING: Sex jokes may cause blindness if viewed too often)

Jokes Humor Fun

PLEASING A WOMAN

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only". Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

The women start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thin." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here have it long and thin." Still, this isn't good enough so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thick." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here have it long and thick." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

Jokes Humor Fun

TOP REASONS CYBERSEX IS POPULAR

  1. After you request sex she replies, "Wait 'til the Nyquil kicks in."
  2. Gets very upset when the ashtray falls off your ass.
  3. Actually answers when you ask "Who's your daddy?"
  4. Last time she screamed during sex was the first time she won at solitaire.
  5. Only moans during commercial breaks.
  6. Starts her fake orgasms during foreplay.
  7. Keeps trying to set you up with her friends.
  8. Runs for vacant Senate seat in New York.
  9. You are currently sitting backstage at the Springer show.
  10. Beginning to think she is only "playing" dead.
  11. During the act, she actually yelled out, "Oh, Baby, yadda, yadda, yadda!"
  12. Has suddenly started making you pay in advance.
  13. Her moans of delight discovered to actually be a .wav file.
  14. Instead of asking to leave her shirt on, she wants to leave her pants on too.
  15. Keeps asking "Are you SURE you're not gay?"
  16. Boredom? So that's why she keeps deflating!!
  17. Holds up a picture of the Playboy centerfold to hurry you along.
  18. Asks to be on top so she can balance her checkbook better.
  19. She yells out her own name.
  20. Bangs her head on the headboard BEFORE you begin.
Jokes Humor Fun

ASKING FOR A BLOW JOB

The boy just takes the girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"

"What ? You're crazy???!!!"

"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."

"No!! Someone may see; a relative, a neighbor..."

"At this time of the night no one will show up.."

"I've already said NO, and NO!"

"Honey, it's just a small blowie... I know you like it too.."

"NO!!! I've said NO!!!"

"My love.. don't be like that.."

At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in nightgown with her hair totally in disorder, rubbing her eyes and says. "Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake to tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!"

(WARNING: Jokes may be past their expiration date)
(WARNING: Funny objects are closer than they appear)
(WARNING: Keep jokes out of the reach of children)

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